It’s been brooding in the back of my mind for a long time now, I need to get away from my seemingly enclosed cultural cage here in Sweden. I’m sick of being a part of all the worlds’ problems I so love to rant about. I’m not out only to save the world but I’m going to enjoy myself thoroughly while doing it. I get kicks from leaving all the security I’ve built up and going for the well planned longshot. Like I’m doing right now with this China business. An old and trusted friend told me this not long ago:
“Mike, I admire your ability to make huge changes in your life when it’s not to your liking.”
He’s right but every coin has a flip side as they say. The urge to risk all and move to a new city or something like that comes from a need to fill a hole inside of me. It’s created out of some anxiety that slowly comes creeping when I’ve been at the same place for too long. I imagine that it’s not really living in a certain physical place that is the problem, I think it has something to do with me not doing something that is required for me to be happy. I’ve experienced quite a wide range of emotions in my time but I’ve rarely, if ever, felt that I’ve majorly changed the conditions for the better for people in general or even for people in my immediate surroundings. Yes I’m a nice guy and everyone is an equal until they prove otherwise but that’s not really it.
I’ve tried working with unions here in Sweden and they’re allright if a bit stiff. The majority are old, large institutions that have grown complacent over time. The ones that are more active are also more radical and have no credibility in the media and therefore not in the minds of bulk of the population. I’ve been into culture in the forms of classical music (composing and classical piano) and briefly with visual arts, but even though it was very fulfilling for my ego and soul in an introvert way I still felt like I was in the wrong place and wasting my time. Three years of intense practicing and studying at pre-university schools and three years split between two universities gave me half an exam as a music teacher and some pretty nasty anxiety about being pressured. I have some talent for working with the arts but I don’t feel that it alters the world in the profound way that I believe is needed.
People starve and die like victims, but for every tenth victim there is a perpetrator and several bystanders that share the responsibility. Working as a bluecollar and raising a family is a good life worth pursuing. Bettering the immediate community by performing arts or teaching is admirable and fulfilling. Working politically to improve your county or city means you fulfill a role in society that’s absolutely necessary. I discard all these options for something that can satiate the craving I feel, the need to improve living conditions where they are at their worst and to stop those that engross themselves in luxury at the cost of the basic supplies needed to give others a life worth living. I know it’s a cliché but they only exist because lots of people has the same idea.
So how do I go about this grandiose world-saving of mine? I go to China to study Chinese. Pretty inconsistent perhaps but it’s a start. It’s taken me 28 years to figure this out and I plan on living at least 50 more so I’ve got time on my hands.
Posted by mikeinchina 
